More Dreams

I've had several more dreams of Michael this week. The first one I remember he had returned home (how one does that from where he is, I do not know...), and he was moving all his studio equipment back in the house. He was actually taking over the living room with all of it, but I was so happy to have him back that I didn't even care about all the crap and clutter coming into the house.

In another dream, he had disappeared from our lives, but we didn't know why or where he was. I was on the phone with his mother and we were both perplexed by his absence. He wouldn't return our calls. It was very distressing and I woke up with a start. Thankfully, I'm not living that dream. I know Michael is safe and sound with the Lord.

In the third dream, I found him walking around in the parking lot at church looking for his car. Of course I was surprised to see him, and I asked him how he managed to get back here from there. I don't recall getting an answer to that question. But we did find the car, and I told him he was lucky that I hadn't already given it to his friend Willy (that's the plan IRL). He wasn't interested in driving it, so I did and he sat in the passenger seat. He looked good. The hair he'd lost because of the radiation treatments had grown back, and I was so happy to see his full head of hair again.

It's hard to describe the joy I feel when I dream of Michael. For that moment, he is with me and I am relieved of my loss and my grief. It feels like I've gotten my life back.

All Worked Up

Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes regarding my job situation. It's been a tough couple of weeks. First of all, learning that I wasn't given a primary grade position for the coming year as I'd requested, and then that I was expected to move out of my classroom into another. I took it hard. I've been at my present school for twelve years, and I've taught the same grade for eleven of those years. I am ready to do something new, but I seem to be pigeonholed as a fourth grade teacher.

So, I figured if I was going to be expected to move out of my classroom that I might as well seek a primary grade position at another school within my school district. On Monday, I filled out a transfer application, and then I made some phone calls. The phone calls led to two interviews at two different schools, but they were both for second grade teaching positions. I think I interviewed well and I hope to receive an invitation to teach at one of the schools sometime next week.

I really wish this wasn't something I have to deal with now. Grief is hard work, let me tell you. The last thing I want to do is spend my precious energy on interviewing and packing up my classroom - especially since I'm on a leave of absence which was supposed to eliminate my work-related stress. My hope is that as difficult as this is, that the Lord will direct my steps towards a school and a position that will give me the chance to have a positive impact on my students, but less conflict and stress in the workplace.

Dear Friends,

I am in need of prayer. As if being in this season of grief and loss is not enough to bear, there is a situation concerning next year's teaching position that has me greatly distressed. I don't want to go into the details here because I can never be sure who is reading and who might twist my words. I am not currently working, as my doctor has placed me on a leave of absence, but nevertheless decisions are being made that impact me.

Please pray for my peace of mind. I tend to perseverate on things and work myself up into a bit of a frenzy. After not having taken any anxiety medication in more than a month, I had to take it twice in the last few days.

Please pray for the best outcome for my grade level assignment and school location. It may be necessary to make a change to be in the best place for me.

Please pray that others with the power to make decisions that impact me would have compassion for me. I have been through so much. I am weary. I need an advocate to work on my behalf.

I am so blessed to have so many friends who read my blog and who care for me. Thank you for your love and support.