Wednesday is my wedding anniversary. We would have been married eight years, but this will be the sixth year I have observed this day by myself.
When I had to purchase a new laptop about three years ago, I purchased one that does not have a CD-ROM/DVD player. I only mention this because in that time, and for that reason, I have not been able to view the majority of our wedding photos. Today I decided that I would fix that by purchasing an exterior drive, and I'm considering it my anniversary gift to myself.
There are several hundred photos from that glorious day. I'm not exaggerating - it was a glorious day. It rained cats and dogs the day and night before, but we woke up to clear blue skies and it wasn't too cold for us to have the garden ceremony we'd planned after all. We felt incredibly fortunate. Originally, we had wanted to marry on Saturday, the tenth. But that date was already booked. So we took Sunday the eleventh instead.
Anyway, there are several hundred photos. As I started to look at them, I came across a series from the moment we first got to see each other before the ceremony. I'm so thankful for the things these photos captured, because I truly can't remember all that much from that brief moment in time. But what I cherish now as I look at these pictures are the wonderful expressions on Michael's face.
See for yourself...
Being a widow sucks year-round, but especially on your wedding anniversary. Nevertheless, I look at these pictures and I am reminded how much he loved me, and how happy we were if only for a short time.
Though lovers be lost, love shall not; and death shall have no dominion. ~ Dylan Thomas
I'm somewhere out on the open seas today traveling from Ketchikan, AK to Victoria, B.C. So here's a post from way back when I was a newlywed. Michael and I vacationed on Oahu that first summer of our marriage. It was lovely.
We had a WONDERFUL time in Hawaii. The picture above is at the Hilton Hawaiian Village on our first full day there. We sat out by the pool for several hours refreshing ourselves in the pool and soaking up the rays. I had never done the resort thing in Hawaii before, and so it was good to spend a couple days at this amazing property and feel like we were living in style.
Being in Hawaii with Michael was totally different than the previous times I've been there before. He has spent enough time in the islands (he was born there and has returned many times since) to know about all the local delicacies and favorite places. I was introduced to many foods I had never tried before as Michael hunted down some of his favorites like malasadas and manapuas - yum!!! I also tried shave ice with ice cream and azuki beans. It didn't sound good to me at first, but it is - it is! We treated ourselves to a shared shave ice every day.
Once we left Waikiki, we spent the remainder (and most of) our vacation in the town of Kailua. Kailua has one of the best beaches in Hawaii, but no resorts. It's a bedroom community. Lots of people live there and commute to Honolulu for work. We were within a short walk's distance from the beach and the downtown shopping area. The property at which we stayed was waterfront, but not beachfront, however we could see the beach from the backyard (which was just beautiful), and we had full use of their saltwater pool. The unit we stayed in was so charming and comfortable, and the owners were gracious hosts. In fact, they discussed having us return next summer to housesit for them while they travel! We would be delighted to do so, of course!
On a side note, I really enjoyed waking to the sounds of the birds in the morning. They kept birds at their home, and together with the native birdies we were treated to quite a chorus each morning.
We drove around the island one day - up to the famous North Shore, through the fields of sugar cane and pineapple, along the stunningly beautiful coastline. Of the three islands I have now visited, I have to say that Oahu is my favorite. There is so much to do there if you like, and yet when we were at "home" in Kailua it was so quiet and and life moved very slowly. I was trying to figure out how we could relocate to Kailua, but alas I cannot think of a reasonable way to do so. So, we will return as visitors one day instead.
I hope to put together a little slideshow of some of our photos, but I've got other things that need my attention first. Perhaps I'll get to that over the weekend instead.
Aloha, for now!
Dear Michael,
We talked about you today, as we do most days. We were on our way to church, and I knew the pastors would say something about the significance of the day and honor the fathers in the congregation. I was kind of dreading it, to be honest with you. I know how blessed I am to have my dad here, but you were supposed to be the dad in our little family. Before we pulled into the parking lot, I said, "Happy Fathers Day in Heaven, Michael."
And your little girl said, "Happy Fathers Day, Daddy." Sweetest thing ever. I know you heard her. I don't know how that works exactly, but I know you heard her.
She skipped happily into the Sunday School classroom, and I hurried off to the service. Sure enough, there were some jokes about fatherhood, and some serious talk about the importance of being a good father. They showed a video of fathers and grandfathers having memorable moments with their children and grandchildren. The tears ran down my face. There wasn't a single person in that room who knew me, or knew my story. If anyone else saw those tears, they probably couldn't have imagined exactly why I was moved to tears.
Before church this morning, a sweet friend sent me this touching video as a kind gesture on this day to acknowledge all that's on my shoulders. And yesterday some of your family members had wished me a Happy Fathers Day, as well. I appreciate the kind gestures, but it doesn't feel right to me to claim anything on this day. I am her mother, and that's enough for me.
Today was supposed to be your day - Fathers Day. I cried because of all that can't be. The gift she made in her Sunday School class, she gave to my father. The cards and gifts we shopped for weren't for you. The other men in our lives - grandfathers, uncles, and cousins - are very good to us. But they aren't you.
So, yeah. That was Fathers Day. Way harder on me than on her, thank goodness.
Love always,
Joannah
