There is the desire for a return to some sort of schedule, but there's also dread of that schedule including an alarm that goes off at five o'clock in the morning five days a week. That is just not a good time for me! It's still dark!!!
There's anticipation about teaching a new grade level and trying new things, but there's also the feeling of being overwhelmed by so much that's new. A lot of what's new are things that I've found over the summer that I want to try with my students. So it's really my own ambitious plans that are overwhelming me.
There's the excitement about having a new (to me) classroom and making it my own, but there's also the insane amount of work it takes to make it happen (and there just aren't enough hours or days remaining before it has to be done!). My classroom had a lot of things left behind in it, and I spent at least eight hours just cleaning it out. Now it's time to make it pretty.
There's the knowing that teaching is something I'm really good at, but there's also the concern that administrators and parents won't be satisfied with my best. Seems like a lot of people really hate teachers these days. I think used-car salesmen and IRS agents are more popular. Sheesh!
There's the gratitude I have because I have a job, but there's also the guilt and sadness I have that it takes me away from my baby girl. We are so blessed to have her grandparents and my sister providing daycare for her, but my heart has always been to be a stay-at-home-mother. So, there's just that sadness that life didn't work out that way for us.
Sigh...
I'm sure in just a couple of weeks we'll be into our routine and cruising along. Well, that might be an exaggeration, but we'll be managing. It won't be easy, but it is doable. One of my coping strategies is to mark off each day on our home calendar, and keep track of the next long weekend or time off that's coming up. I think we have about ten weeks until a long weekend, and then another couple weeks after that a full week off - both in November. Thinking about it in chunks like that helps me push on to the next time I can loosen up about our demanding schedule.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13
I really feel for you. I, too, was meant to be a stay-at-home mom. Even though I am fortunate enough to work at home, I'm still working, and there are times when I think of all the things I could be doing better, if I only had to time, like more physical therapy, enrolling them in dance and music classes, reading to them more, etc...
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