Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Crying List

Each morning I receive an email from Grief Share. Today's really went straight to the heart.

Identify Your Losses
Day 10

One reason grief disrupts so many aspects of your life is because your loss is not one isolated loss. You will miss so many qualities and facets of the person you lost that each will become an opportunity to experience grief.

The range of things you need to grieve for may surprise you. Identify your losses and be prepared to grieve for each one.

Use the list below as a starting point.
• your companion
• your lover
• your encourager
• your "entertainer"
• your source of delight
• the one who shares your private jokes
• your breadwinner
• the one who knows you so well
• your housekeeper
• the shoulder on which you cry
• your cook
• the arms that embrace and comfort you
• your mechanic
• the one who always cheers you
• your friend
• your pride and joy

Your list will go on and on. Say your losses out loud to God; speak until you run out of words to say. He knows your deepest needs, and He alone can provide. Do not skip this step.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

O God, I have lost so much. Who will fill these gaping holes within me? You, Lord—yes, You. Amen
Lots of tears upon reading this.

Missing Michael.


  1. Wow I can only imagine how much longer the list gets. Losing a spouse is so much more than that. I remember you saying in a previous post it was too difficult to sum up everything that he was to you. Now I can see why. And while I hate to hear that you cried, I also know it's part of the grieving process, so I am happy that you did, just stinks that you have to go through it.

  2. I'm so very sorry... the list is so, so long, isn't it?

  3. I'm sooooo sure you are missing him...and words cannot even begin to touch the depth of that!!!! I'm so sorry...I wish I could give you a hug...Love you, Janine XO

  4. Oh gosh, if only there was a time limit to how long the pain would last, if only something would make it stop hurting, if, if if,if.
    If I could make it feel just one tiny bit better I would.

  5. Just said a prayer for you! I'm just so sorry you're having to go through this but so thankful you have God in your life. He will walk through this valley with you. Linda (MomMom)

  6. Praying for you, Joannah. Wishing I could take some of this grief for you and a portion of the heaviness from your heart and soul. There is so much to miss of Michael, and we only get to see a small glimpse. How you must be hurting, my friend.

    Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. --Matthew 5:4

    Love you a bunch...

  7. I can only imagine how long that list would be. I wept upon reading this entry - again! I know that my sweet hubby is all of that and so much more to me. They say we don't realize what we have until we no longer have it. I wonder if that's true when you walk through a journey like cancer. Do we have time to realize the beauty in what we have this very day because none of us knows what tomorrow will bring?

    "He knows your deepest need and He alone can provide." And I believe with all my heart that our Heavenly Father will provide for you accoridng to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus!

    I can't even begin to imagine the gapping holes!

    Praying for you precious one! You are dearly loved by so many! I know that God is going to work in and through you for His glory! He's already doing it! I know just how you've effected my life for His glory - I can imagine that there are so many others who have truly been touched by your strength, by your love for Michael, and your love for our Father!

    God truly is good! Love and peace to you, my friend ~

  8. OH, this is so true and heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry, dear friend. And "spider killer" should be on that list, btw.

  9. I do think that grief is nested, so many layers, so many different aspects of your life, past, present, future that it touches. It is one of the hardest parts of loss, that it is so multifaceted. I am so pleased you have reached out for support, in counseling, in the group and in these daily mailings.

    I think one of the most important things for me was to have something to hold that jeff had held. I could imagine that somehow we were touching- through time maybe, but somehow, and it let me feel less at sea sometimes.

    I want to send love and will send an email soon,
    but LOVE needed to come right now!


  10. I think one of the hardest parts is the creeping nature of loss. In those times when you think that you are okay, the emptiness falls over your shoulders like a cold fog. I am so glad that you are doing these exercises and embracing what is good for you.
    Hugs to you.

  11. I am very sorry for your loss. I stumbled upon your blog via another blog. I lost my husband 8 1/2 months ago from kidney cancer. I feel your pain as I am living it too. Good luck on your journey as it is a hard one.

  12. Thinking of you and praying!!! Love you so much! Janine XO

  13. Just stopped by to say that I'm thinking of you especially today...and felt a particular need to pray...Wish I could give you a hug...Love you! Janine XO

  14. You're touching and teaching a lot of people by your willingness to be open and honest, Joannah. May God continue to strengthen and uphold you! I'm always amazed that when God has something to teach me He's willing tell me over and over again--like yesterday when I wrote about the same thing--listing our losses, only through the perspective of Naomi in the book of Ruth--and today I find this! Isn't God good? :) Griefshare is a wonderful resource. Grieving is hard, but God is faithful and strong. The pain cuts deep so that more joy can fill in. Grace and peace to you--fbh


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