Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Nine Months

I think that one of the strangest things about losing a loved one is how time marches on. On the one hand, I wish it wouldn't so that I would be closer to those times when we were still together. One the other hand, having an eternal perspective, I realize that I am nine months closer to our Heavenly reunion. I find it's best for me to look forward and not backward.

I say it every month, but truly there aren't words adequate to express how much I miss Michael. This whole pregnancy experience would be so very different if he were here. My life would be so different if he was still here. We loved being married to each other, and having children together was our dream.

Despite the loss and the heartache, I choose to trust the Lord and His promises. I do believe that what has been lost will be restored and redeemed one day in ways that I cannot even begin to comprehend. That will have to be enough for now, and it surprisingly is. Funny how when we trust Jesus, He fills us with peace and hope to get through the worst of times. Life is hard, but God is good all the time.

Friday would have been Michael's 55th birthday. I am hoping to feel well enough to join my in-laws for dinner that night to remember him and celebrate our love for him together.


  1. I will pray that you feel well enough to celebrate Michael on Friday! Only those who love God completely can trust as you do. You are a wonderful Christian and I am confident that what has been lost to you will indeed be renewed a thousandfold!!

  2. I've followed your blog for about 4 months now. What an amazing journey. Thank you for sharing, I am so inspired by your writing.
    Oddly enough, perhaps without Michael being in spirit form, you would not have children with him. I believe it's possible for him to have helped to work this miracle through God, in his spirit body. I know that does not ease the loss you feel. But I thought it was worth mentioning.

  3. I understand what you mean. After Laura first died, I had a hard time dealing with the fact that people were moving on with their lives. I wanted to scream: "No! How can you move on? We cannot forget Laura". It was part of my grieving and it took me a while to understand that people weren't forgetting Laura. We never will. But you have to move forward. The memories are still there.

    I want to tell you how much I admire your faith. I know Michael is looking down on you with such pride. I hope you'll be able to celebrate his life on Friday.

  4. When I wake up tomorrow on my 50th Birthday I will wish your husband a Happy Birthday. I am honored to know I share his Birthday.
    Hugs to you and I hope your headaches go away soon!!!


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