Mommy Guilt, Chapter One

It was that title, or "Mommy's Intuition, Chapter One".

Sigh...

The routine I was advised to follow for Michaela's feeding schedule was tortuous in my opinion. After nursing on each side for fifteen minutes, I then gave her 1 ounce of formula, and completed the cycle with fifteen minutes on the breast pump. Mind you, the most I ever pumped was 10 mL of colostrum. I was supposed to repeat this every three hours round the clock.

Besides being a grueling schedule, I didn't feel like Michaela was getting the nutrition she needed. I was really frustrated and I gave up on the pumping a couple days ago. I also felt that the breastfeeding wasn't even as bonding and pleasurable for us both as the time with the bottle was. She latches on like a barracuda and then falls asleep.

What caused me the most concern was that Michaela's stools were still dark as of this morning. They had not transitioned to yellow like all my baby books said they should have several days ago, and one of my books said that was a reason to contact our pediatrician.

So I did, and we were seen this morning by one of our pediatrician's colleagues. A very sweet, older gentleman. The kind of doctor we'd all like to have growing up - warm and gentle. Michaela was weighed and she only weigh eight pounds. That's more than she weighed when we left the hospital, but it's not her birth weight. We took a dirty diaper with us, and he said her poopy didn't have meconium in it, but that its dark color was indicative of starvation.

Starvation!

Thus the "mommy guilt".

I told him what our routine had been for the last week, and he told me that one ounce of formula was not enough. Michaela is to be given as many ounces as she will consume after being on the breast. He also advised me to get some nipple shields for nursing because she has done a number on me. Like I said, she's a chomper!!! He said that our nursing time is for intimacy and bonding, but the bottle will ensure that she is getting the amount of nutrition she needs. He said by the time we return for our next appointment next week, he expects her to have gained a half pound. And gone is the three-hour routine. He said she is to eat whenever she wants to. (Note: we just tried the breastfeeding with the nipple shields, and she was not into it at all! I don't know if that will work for us.)

I felt really good walking out of there knowing better what to do for my precious daughter. I just want her to have what she needs. I don't care about breastfeeding versus bottle feeding. I just want her to be well-fed and satisfied.

Here's a picture from yesterday. I was trying to get her to wake up for our required feeding time, but she just wanted to keep on sleeping. Today she's getting to sleep and eat whenever she wants to, and we're both happier about it.