I've had a couple of people ask me if now is really a good time for me to be doing this frozen embryo transfer. I respect the people who asked me and I understand where they are coming from. They had the best of intentions when they inquired and they are both in a position to ask me these kinds of questions - they did not overstep any bounds.
But . . .
Now that Michael isn't here, would there ever really be a good time?
Now that I'm already 42, would there really be a better time?
One of these same people asked me if I really wanted to be a single mom.
I have a very simple answer to that question.
I didn't set out to be a single mom when I started fertility treatments with my husband. I expected that we would raise a family together.
Then he got cancer and died.
It's not an ideal situation. How could it be?
But, it's the right thing for me to do. We created those embryos, they are part of Michael and me, and it would be wrong and selfish of me to leave them there indefinitely or have them destroyed. I can't even imagine doing so. It would break my heart.
This is the life I've been given. I just have to do the best I can do with it. If the transfer fails, I will have to mourn another significant loss. If the transfer succeeds, I will have to prepare for parenting on my own.
That's just the way it is.
My life isn't perfect.
It isn't what I thought it would be.
But, it's my life.