Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Questions & Answers

I've had a couple of people ask me if now is really a good time for me to be doing this frozen embryo transfer. I respect the people who asked me and I understand where they are coming from. They had the best of intentions when they inquired and they are both in a position to ask me these kinds of questions - they did not overstep any bounds.

But . . .

Now that Michael isn't here, would there ever really be a good time?

Now that I'm already 42, would there really be a better time?

One of these same people asked me if I really wanted to be a single mom.

I have a very simple answer to that question.


I didn't set out to be a single mom when I started fertility treatments with my husband. I expected that we would raise a family together.

Then he got cancer and died.

It's not an ideal situation. How could it be?

But, it's the right thing for me to do. We created those embryos, they are part of Michael and me, and it would be wrong and selfish of me to leave them there indefinitely or have them destroyed. I can't even imagine doing so. It would break my heart.

This is the life I've been given. I just have to do the best I can do with it. If the transfer fails, I will have to mourn another significant loss. If the transfer succeeds, I will have to prepare for parenting on my own.

That's just the way it is.

My life isn't perfect.

It isn't what I thought it would be.

It's complicated.

It's heartbreaking.

It's strange.

But, it's my life.


  1. I think it is a wonderful idea..
    Michael was a wonderful husband and now you will not only have memories but you will have part of him with you everyday..
    And as a single Mom.. YOU can do it. and you were going to do it before you met Michael..
    I am your biggest supporter girly..
    GO FOR IT..

  2. I had no doubt you would be taking this step. I would do the exact same thing if I were in your situation.

    You will be an amazing mommy!

    Good luck!

  3. "they are part of Michael and me,"

    That says it right there my friend. You will be the best Mom to your little one(s) because of that reason. I'm crossing fingers, toes and anything else I can think of for you on this journey.....


  4. What else would you do with them? They are life, suspended, part of your love, and they deserve a chance. I am with you... I do not see any other choice!

  5. God bless you...I'm praying for you. I would certainly do the same.


  6. Your life...your decisions. You are an incredibly smart woman and you know what all of this entails. I fully support and respect your decision to go forward with this FET. <3

  7. I don't personally know you, but I am willing to bet you wouldnt make such a decision without thinking it over thoroughly and also praying. With those two factors, it's nice that people are concerned and care, however I think it's safe to know that you are not acting impulsively and have looked at this from all aspects. I would not be able to discard them either. That's up to God to do with them as he Will.

    I am sure your friends care and I am glad they asked, that's what friends do. :)


  8. Praying for you in TX and things working out for you and what is best for YOU. No one can make your decisions and no one should judge you for them. Blessings from TX.

  9. I agree. I support you 100%

  10. It's wonderful that you have people who love you so much that they at least ask the tough questions. It sounds like they genuinely have your back. But that said, I believe I would do exactly what you're doing. I've never known you to jump into anything. You always think things through. And I pray that this FET is successful for you.



  11. I couldn't agree more and I'm here for you through every step of the journey. Hugs Joannah!

  12. I came to your blog by way of another and started reading from the beginning forward. I simply cannot imagine the unfathomable loss you experienced with the death of your husband at a time when you were otherwise beginning to build your family.

    You have undoubtedly had a lot of time to ponder this and even though his death was recent, this decision has been some time in coming.

    I trust you have the necessary support in your life that regardless of the outcome you have friends/family that will shoulder and lift you up.

    Good luck for a positive outcome. You deserve at least that much but so much more.

  13. I would want to do the exact same thing if I were in your situation. Of course it isn't the best sitation possible with Michael being gone. But as you said these are a part of you and him.

  14. Joannah, this post was exquisitely written. Everyone needs to read this. God bless you in this next step in your journey! (And I seriously want to come visit you in July and hear all about this first-hand!)

  15. Wonderfully and powerfully expressed, dearest Joannah!!! And I, for one, am GLAD that you are stepping out in faith like this!!! God bless you!!! And I'm praying for success!!!!!!!!!!! Love you so very, very much!!! Janine XOXO

  16. I have been a singel mother to Tate for a year now... It has been the most amazing thing ever. It is scary, but somehow things just work out when you trust in the Lord. I am so supportive of this decision! You will be in my prayers.

  17. Very well written. I'd do the same thing in your shoes. You have my prayers and support.

  18. Brought me to truly have a way with words! One thing I know for sure about you is that you allow yourself to be guided by our Heavenly Father. You are a spiritually wise lady with so much love to give. I know that God will continue to guide you as you allow Him. No doubt in my mind you'd be a fantastic mom. You have my love, support, many prayers and hugs!

  19. Beautiful tribute to your husband and the Lord for Fathers Day, Joannah. And as I read this post I was reminded that it's the Lord who opens and closes wombs. It all comes down to that in the end. For now, you've got the embryos, you can't throw them out or disregard them . . . Our loving God holds the power of life in His hands . . . I like that picture of God's hands . . . especially as He leads you in this amazing journey called your life. Thank you for embracing God's path for you and noting it here! I'll be praying for you.

  20. Everyone seems to have an opinion to share but you know yourself better than anyone. If you are ready then it is the right time. Single parenthood is not without challenges but surly not impossible. I support you completely.

  21. From your FB updates I knew I was missing part of the story and set out to refind your blog- so glad I did! Sending love, prayers and positive thoughts your way! =)

  22. So much peace and joy in my heart for you about these little ones!!!!!!!


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