We just couldn't have known how aggressive his cancer was then. I realize now that even if we hadn't postponed the transfer, and had it been successful, Michael probably wouldn't have lived long enough to see his babies. And had I been in the last weeks of pregnancy while he was in the last weeks of his life, I wouldn't have been able to care for him like I did.
I knew even before he died that I would want to transfer the embryos sometime this year. When it worked out for me to take an extended leave of absence from work, I put the wheels in motion by starting acupuncture the first week of April. I sincerely believe the acupuncture has been beneficial for my physical and mental well-being throughout the last three months. I'm really glad I started it so soon after Michael's passing.
Then I had a consultation with my RE, and he performed another office hysteroscopy to make sure my uterus was in good shape. The doctor and nurses at my fertility clinic have been incredibly compassionate to me since they learned of Michael's passing, and one of the nurses shared with me that there are a couple of other patients in my situation. She offered to put us in touch, but I haven't taken her up on that.
Finally, everything is set to go. I will go in for an appointment tomorrow morning, start some oral medication, and then later this month the doctor will transfer our last two embryos. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember that he told me they were both of very good quality.
I am hoping and praying for twins. I know that probably seems crazy for me on my own, but with Michael residing in Heaven, I'd like for them to have each other. Of course, I have no say in the matter. I don't even know if this will work. I'm just stepping forward in faith and trusting the outcome to the Lord.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11