We just couldn't have known how aggressive his cancer was then. I realize now that even if we hadn't postponed the transfer, and had it been successful, Michael probably wouldn't have lived long enough to see his babies. And had I been in the last weeks of pregnancy while he was in the last weeks of his life, I wouldn't have been able to care for him like I did.
I knew even before he died that I would want to transfer the embryos sometime this year. When it worked out for me to take an extended leave of absence from work, I put the wheels in motion by starting acupuncture the first week of April. I sincerely believe the acupuncture has been beneficial for my physical and mental well-being throughout the last three months. I'm really glad I started it so soon after Michael's passing.
Then I had a consultation with my RE, and he performed another office hysteroscopy to make sure my uterus was in good shape. The doctor and nurses at my fertility clinic have been incredibly compassionate to me since they learned of Michael's passing, and one of the nurses shared with me that there are a couple of other patients in my situation. She offered to put us in touch, but I haven't taken her up on that.
Finally, everything is set to go. I will go in for an appointment tomorrow morning, start some oral medication, and then later this month the doctor will transfer our last two embryos. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember that he told me they were both of very good quality.
I am hoping and praying for twins. I know that probably seems crazy for me on my own, but with Michael residing in Heaven, I'd like for them to have each other. Of course, I have no say in the matter. I don't even know if this will work. I'm just stepping forward in faith and trusting the outcome to the Lord.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11
You are such a strong woman, Joannah, and such an inspiration. I hope this is successful for you and will continue to keep you in my prayers as I have been. Many hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteYou know I am praying for you as your body prepares to accept these embryos. When you have the baby(or babies!), I will babysit ANYTIME. :)
ReplyDeleteMany blessing and my heartfelt prayers for you always Joannah.I pray that the transfer goes smoothly and you are soon peering into your beautiful baby (babies) eyes.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Michele
You already know how much I support you in this. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this FET. I'm here for you!
ReplyDeleteOMW... I am sitting here crying.. I knew down deep in my heart this was going to happen.. and you will have babies.. I know it.. I know that they will be AMAZING.. so much of you and Michael..
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo HAPPY for you ..
I am EXCITED..
Love you sister..
I will be praying for you as you make this journey and like you said, a big leap of faith.
ReplyDeleteI admire your leap of faith. I can't think of anything more special than for you to be able to give birth to Michael's and your baby (or babies). I will pray for you as you begin this journey. Linda
ReplyDeleteI am praying!! And I don't think you are crazy...I think you are amazing and have enough love for triplets even. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm SO happy for you! I had wondered if you had any embryos left and, if you did, if and when you'd transfer, but it seemed too personal to ask. Thank you for sharing this very personal part of your life with us. I will be praying so hard for you. I can feel Michael rooting for you up in Heaven, too!
ReplyDeleteThis feels so right! You are so "in between worlds" right now, your love in Heaven with Michael and his right here on earth with you. What a perfect bridge for two little babies' souls to cross!
I really hoped that you would do this, I don't know why but it just seems so right. So happy for you and truly, you are an amazing lady.
ReplyDeleteI had been wondering when you were going to do this ( somehow I knew you would). Thanks for sharing this big step. Best of luck.
ReplyDeleteWowwwww! I have a really good feeling about this....! xo
ReplyDeleteJoannah, this is really, really wonderful!! What a blessing to have this opportunity! I will pray, pray, pray...Love you so much, Janine XO
ReplyDeleteI've had a very STRONG feeling you would be taking this path! In fact, I was HOPING and PRAYING that you would be taking this path, dear, dear Joannah!!!
ReplyDeleteAll of our happiest thoughts, wishes and prayers are with you as you go down this road!! And no matter what happens as a result, it is something that you have to try. There should never be any regrets for not trying.
We are so hoping and praying for the very best to come your way for you and your dear Michael - as I feel he is at your side. Thanks for sharing this sometimes difficult journey you are following. Stay strong in your faith. It is something to be VERY proud of!!
As always, much love, ((hugs)) and prayers coming your way!!
Jan, john & Jillian Rose
I've been wanting to see this post for so long now and I'm sitting here crying over it. You are always in my prayers and I'm always sending you good thoughts...they all just tripled! Many hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteWow!! Oh WOW! I will be praying for you and those babies.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Joannah, I feel in my heart that your dear Michael would want you to continue this path. After all, You both started this journey of fertility TOGETHER!!! So you should see it through!!! The possibility of holding a part of Michael in your arms is special in itself!!!!! Oh, how I wish and pray....
ReplyDeleteJoannah, for some reason I cannot stop the tears as I sit here, thinking about what all this means. I don't know how to write this so that it comes across the way I mean it, but please know my heart and how much I love you; If you have these babies, you will be blessed a million times over by them. If things don't work out here on earth, Michael will have these blessings with him in Heaven. You can't lose! Does that make sense? Either way, these babies will be so loved by their parents. Oh, I pray for you every chance I get. God bless you in this journey of faith.
ReplyDeleteThis just brightened my day, like you would't believe!!!! The idea that a part of Michael can still live on brings tears of joy to my heart. I pray that this is finally in HIS time and your wishes and desires come true. How very special that would be. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxoxo
I so hope you get your wish of twins, what a blessing that would be. Good luck going through the transfer process, I'm sure it won't be easy without Michael physically by your side.
ReplyDeleteOh!!! Sending the BEST wishes and thoughts. I'll be thinking of you and hoping.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful news! Thank you so much for sharing something so intimate so that we may all join you in praying for its success! So exciting...!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you.
ReplyDeletePositive energy for success!
Blessings
You know I've been wondering and wondering if you would take this step, I was praying you would but didn't want to ask! I think it's a fabulous choice, and I will also pray for twins. I think you are right re the shared experience (my dad died when I was very young) but I also know you'll be just the mama he/she/they need twins or no twins. I'll be praying!!
ReplyDeleteWOW!!! That is so amazingly beautiful! I am praying for you my friend!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I tried to conceive for 18 months without success. I decided to try accupuncture first, and after my third session, I was pregnant. Our precious little girl is now 18 months old. Accupuncture really does work, and I would encourage you to continue on a very regular basis. May the Lord grant you your heart's desire. I'll be praying for you...
ReplyDeleteOh, I am so happy for you as I read this! Thank you for sharing this personal decision of your heart. Praying for healthy new life to be in God's plan for you! When you wrote about reasons for not wanting to take the medication for anxiety I had my fingers and toes crossed that this might just be the reason! I am thrilled for you as you take this leap of faith and put it in God's hands. I hope that this dream will come to be for so many reasons. Hugs to you, Sarah
ReplyDeleteAwesome news! I too have a feeling this will work. Praying for you :)
ReplyDeleteI'm here for you too!
ReplyDeleteDonna
I'm thrilled for you Joannah... what a wonderful and exciting decision and I'm not surprised you made it as your faith in God gives you such great strength. You will be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI support you 100% in this decision. And will say many prayers that these two little ones stick. :) No one deserves that kind of happiness more than you.
ReplyDelete