Fathers Day for the Fatherless

When Michael passed, I wanted pictures for the memorial service, so one of his brothers helped me find Michael's personal photo collection in our garage. Most of the pictures I'd never seen. They were from before we were married and so some of the people and places in the pictures remain a mystery to me. There were several of him with babies and little children, and they were hard to look at. They still are.

Here's one with him and his niece Kiana:

And here are the ones of him with other people's babies:

He was a natural with kids. His warmth and his own childlike nature just drew them to him. It is beyond unfortunate that he invested himself for so many years in another relationship with a woman who had a negative perception of marriage and family. It is also beyond unfortunate that he remained in that relationship once our paths crossed and we saw marriage material in one another.

This is part of our past that is a thorn in my side. Sometimes I am angry with him because of this, and now that Michaela has come to be, I hurt for her and that she has to wait to know her daddy. I just pray that she will grow up feeling some positive connection to Michael, and I know it's up to me to encourage that. Already, several times a day, I refer to him when I'm talking to her. I tell her that her daddy loves her. I comment that she looks so much like him. I mention little things he did or liked. It doesn't seem like much, but that's all I can do - paint a picture with words throughout her childhood of who he was. That and help her have an eternal perspective so that she knows that he is a part of her future.

However, I do wish we were celebrating this, what would have been Michael's first Fathers Day, as an intact family of three. I wish the day included cards and gifts for him, and a photograph of him holding his beautiful baby girl.