Friday, February 11, 2011

Looking Back

Michael this time last year

I hate remembering him like that, but the reality is that it's part of our journey. Cancer takes such a horrible toll on a person. When thoughts of Michael's last days come to mind, I have to remind myself that he has now overcome that thanks to what Jesus has done for us. He's been redeemed body and soul. When I see him again, he will be young and strong and filled with joy. I can hardly wait to behold that!

It was this day last year that our oncologist told us there was nothing more he could do for Michael, and that he recommended that we arrange for hospice care. As devastating as it was to hear those words, it didn't come as a huge surprise as he was struggling for breath and he'd lost so much weight. I remember Michael leading us in the Lord's Prayer once the doctor left the room, and there were many tears shed.

From that point on, I began my leave from work and took care of Michael around the clock. Family and friends were constantly coming and going for short visits and to bring us meals. That was a blessing and a curse in many ways. I have some good memories of sweet visits with people who cared for us both, and painful memories of insensitive individuals who came with their own agendas. I've learned that crises either bring out the best or the worst in people.

His fight only lasted another three weeks, and I'm grateful that he didn't have to suffer longer than that.


  1. Joannah, I just found your blog through the sweet comment you left on my blog (via Kellys Korner). Congratulations on your pregnancy! Your story is inspiring and heartbreaking. I want you to know that you've been added to my prayer list:) I can't wait to get through your whole blog to learn more about this tough year you've had. Lots of love, maria

  2. Maria, thanks for visiting. I clicked on several of the links at Kelly's today, and yours just really stood out to me. I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

  3. Cancer is horrible, but you two faced it with grace, dignity and faith. Oh, the stories you get to tell your daughter about her amazing father!

  4. Cancer is a terrible disease and I am so sorry that you and Michael had to go through al you had to go through.
    I agree with April above, you have dealt with it in such an amazing and inspiring way.

  5. Just sending you warm hugs and love today.

  6. I am sitting here crying ....I love you sooo much... you are AMAZING sooo strong.. I think of you ALL the time..
    You are always in my prayers.. Love you Sister..

  7. I hate CANCER and what it has done to so many families. I look at this picture and think of my mom who passed away a few years ago from Pancreatic cancer. It robs us of the person we love and robs them of who they use to be. I know when I see my mom again she will be beautiful again:)

  8. Look at that smile he gave you, even then ♥

  9. Oh Joannah.... cancer SUCKS in plain english!!!! You are a cancer survivor as am I. It's just so devastating to our lives and families, and I thank God for family and friends to help guide us though these trying times.
    Happily, with the aid of your family and friends, you will have the blessed event of the birth of a beautiful baby girl, Michaela. Your dear Michael would be so proud and happy!!!!

    Sending you lots of love, prayers and (((hugs))),


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