Today was the fourth day of the new school year. I am grateful to be in a new school and working with new people, but I honestly hate leaving Michaela. I know she's in good hands with our nanny and her grandparents. It's not that. It's that by the time I get home from wrangling my students (that's what it feels like), I am so tired that I don't feel like I have much left to give her. I totally forgot our little bedtime routine tonight of books and songs and prayers. I don't want her childhood to be less than because I'm tired and distracted when I get home from spending the day with other people's kids.
I just want to pour myself into her. Be there to witness all the firsts. I've already missed a couple just since I went back to work not even two weeks ago. Sigh...
I long to be a SAHM, but I know that even if Michael was here that wouldn't be possible. However, it is something I pray for because I've learned that miracles do happen. Michaela is my miracle. Truly anything is possible. So I'll just keep petitioning the Lord and see what His plans are for our life, and take it one day at a time. It's overwhelming to get anymore ahead of myself than that.
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! (Matthew 7:11)
When you are settled into the new school year, start researching freelance writing. It's how I am able to be a stay-at-home mom! The late nights are worth it. :) Two starting places: www.demandstudios.com and www.freelancewritinggigs.com. I don't know if you could make enough to pay all the bills (I bring home around $2400-$3000 per month) but maybe you could make enough to sub and only work part-time?
ReplyDeleteOh Joannah,
ReplyDeleteI soooo understand how you feel!! Hang in there!!
Sending lots of Prayers, Love and ((Hugs)) your way!!!!
Jan (John & Jillian Rose)
BTW, our new school year is underway, and we LOVE it!!! Thanks for your input!!
I understand your heart for sure! Oh how we long to be there for all that our children need and for all those milestones. ((hugs)) Hopefully as you get into your routine more your body will even itself out and allow you more time and energy for your sweetie. Until then, let the cleaning and household activities wain a bit and pour yourself into your baby girl. You'll be forever grateful that you did!
ReplyDeleteThe first of the school year is always draining to your energy. Soon you will rebound and you will find that you get a burst of energy when you walk out the school door to go home. As a single Mom I was so thankful for summer vacation and school holidays that I could share with my boys! It is also great if she can go to your school! One of my friends has moved up with his children from elementary to middle school! So there are advantages to being a teacher when she is older!
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