Saturday, April 2, 2011

Thirty-four Weeks

How about some bullets? Mama is tired...
  • Michaela has had hiccups multiple times per day this past week. It's really cute, but it can keep me awake at night.
  • She also moves around quite a lot at various times of the day, especially in the evenings.
  • Saw the OB on Friday. My fundal height is 35 cm. From this point on, I will see her every week. Induction is still a consideration, but we will wait to discuss it further after my next visit to the perinatologist in about a week. The only reason we would do so is to avoid having a nine or ten pounder.
  • I have had a week of less back pain, but when I saw the chiropractor on Friday she told me that I'm really tight in all areas. The massage therapist had said the same thing on Tuesday. Ignorance was bliss. The deep tissue massage the chiropractor gave me was excruciating, and it's going to take a couple days until I am not so sore.
  • I have found some really cute handmade items on Etsy for the baby. I haven't received them yet, but they will have Labrador Retriever appliques on them. I just couldn't resist! I will have to post pictures when they arrive because they are darling.
  • Reflux is horrible. I can't stand it. I can't drink enough water because it wants to come right back up again. I suck on lots of ice chips instead.
  • We're having a heatwave here, and my feet and ankles are now cankles. Just lovely! ;)
  • Sleep is mediocre. I'm just so uncomfortable. I can't wait until I can sleep part of the night on my back again.
  • Sunday is my baby shower with Michael's family. I'm really looking forward to it.
  • Monday begins the NSTs at the hospital twice a week.
Okay, two things are kind of bugging me, and I feel like I want to address them. If you feel like you've commented along these lines here or on Facebook, please don't beat yourself up. I'm not angry, but I just don't want to hear things like this anymore because they kind of negate my feelings, and I'm pretty sensitive at this point thanks to my pregnancy hormones.

1) Well-meaning people who suggest that being pregnant is better than having to care for a newborn.

2) Well-meaning people who suggest that the joy of having Michaela will somehow fill the void that Michael's death has left.

I guess these kind of suggestions bother me because I've been so miserable during this pregnancy. In my mind caring for an infant instead of being in pain or feeling sick has just got to be better. And isn't that the goal of the whole thing anyway? To have your precious baby in your arms?

And as much joy as Michaela will undoubtedly bring into my life, a child doesn't replace a loving and devoted husband. They are two very different kinds of relationships, and I will miss Michael every day until I join him in Eternity.

I don't usually complain about things that people say to me online, but I just want to make my feelings about that kind of stuff known because they just aren't helpful to me right now. Thank you so much for understanding and allowing me to express myself freely here.


  1. Oh, sometimes people are just trying to make you feel better! But I had to laugh at those comments. Um, there is NO comparison! Caring for a newborn is SO much better than being pregnant! My gosh. Night and day. Just staring at her precious face ... you won't even care about late night feedings. And my oldest had very severe colic (to the point where he lost his voice) and it was insanely hard but I never, ever thought it worse than pregnancy! Sheesh.

    As for Michael, child-love is different from husband-love. I don't understand those comments either!

    I can't wait to see the Labrador pics and pics from your shower. Have a terrific time!!

  2. I remember people telling me to enjoy whatever sleep I got while I was pregnant (what sleep?) because once the twins arrives, there would be no sleep to be had. However, what people don't realize is that no matter what you do in pregnancy, you can NEVER get comfortable enough to sleep well. Once the baby is born, at least you are getting SOME sleep that is sound. I much preferred sleeping after the babies were born than when I was pregnant.

  3. I think sometimes people mean well, but it doesn't always come across that way?
    You have worked so hard during this pregnancy and honestly Joannah have had more than your share of ups and down during it, more that anyone I have ever known pregnant! Serious kudos to you, I am in awe of how you have handled it all!!
    I can't wait till you hold your little sweetheart in your arms.... xxx

  4. I found caring for a newborn to be blissful. I think you will too. There is nothing in the world like it.

  5. Sweetie,
    Just stopping in to say hello.
    I keep thinking I'll stop in and Michaela will be here, so I think she'll be here early!

    No specific prediction, just early. Thinking of you, and hoping you have some moments of comfort.

  6. Those comments are so frustrating. I remember that, on top of the physical discomfort, I just wanted to MEET my baby, to be on the other side of the childbirth experience, to know that he was okay. By about where you are now, 34-35 weeks, it was a combination of physical and emotional exhaustion; I was so done! And having a newborn, which has it's challenges of course, was such a wonderful relief from pregnancy. I especially loved being an older mom with my last child (I had children betw 30-39) because I was just calmer and wiser.

    One thing that really helped me physically in those last weeks, esp with pelvic floor pain, was sitting on a yoga ball. Getting up sucked, but sitting was blissful.

  7. Ni Hao! I'm back from China with my little girl she is amazing. The first comment about being pregnant vs. caring for a newborn cracks me up because the whole point of being pregnant is to actually HAVE a newborn!!!

    I had wondered if people would actually think, much less voice out loud the other. I am actually concerned that you will be at higher risk for post-partum depression due to having a baby at this time. If I was in your possition, I think having my deceased husband's baby would make the loss of him more accute because he'd have missed her birth, meeting her, and not be there to support me when I was tired, or be there to laugh with me. Nope, there isn't any replacement, that's for sure. Just make sure you have a great support team, which it sounds like you already have, and that they know to do as in adoption and support you so that you are free to care for the baby, they aren't to take over for you.

    Please don't induce without good reason, it's hard on the baby and the mom. The easiest natural births I've ever seen where huge babies and the moms didn't even tear.


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