Friday, May 7, 2010

Two Months

We used to recognize the 11th of each month as a little anniversary of our wedding day. I started it, but Michael caught on and kept it going. Sometimes he would take me by surprise by saying, "Happy anniversary, Honey." But it would only take me a moment to realize that it was the 11th of any given month. It was one of those sweet little things we shared.

The last time we did that was in January. Come the 11th of February we were at UCLA receiving the terrible news that there was nothing more the doctors could do for us. That little anniversary just wasn't on our minds.

Now the day of the month that I'm hypersensitive to is the 7th. Along with counting Sundays, I'm now counting the months since he left this world.

For me there are two ways of looking at the time as it passes. One way is to think of it as moving me away from our time together, and that's what I do when I'm looking back. The other way is to think of it as two months closer to the time I will see him again, and I'm able to do that when I'm looking forward and keeping things in an eternal perspective.


  1. I'm sorry. :( But I love your perspective of looking forward!

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  3. Erin, I'm glad you found me again. I'm so sorry about your son James. What a tragedy. I'm glad you've been able to move forward and that your faith has sustained you. :)

  4. Oops, I deleted my above comment. I have been reading through your posts. I just ache for you, Joannah. Though I've not lost a husband, I feel so much of what you have shared. I think about the day when I will be with my son again so much too. The thought is like air to me. It takes such a long time to feel joy again. I remember being happy to even feel annoyed at my other children again--- relieved that I could still feel anything at all. When I was at the place you are now, my grief was so very raw and brutal. I am so sorry you must go through this... I can so understand your thoughts about looking ahead. Many nights when I go to bed, I think to myself "One less day I must live on this earth without my James." Surely your husband must be very proud of you for being so brave.

  5. Dearest Joannah, There is little I can add to what Erin wrote above...your attitude is unsurpassed...your courage and strength amaze me every time I visit with you! I so wish you didn't have to walk this path, but God is using you in incredible ways...Michael must be so thrilled as he looks in on you...Praying for your comfort...daily...but now, especially on the 7th of each month...Love you so much, Janine XO

  6. Joannah...I haven't commented in a while and I feel badly, I'm sorry. You are NEVER far from my thoughts and are always in my prayers. Your courage is so amazing to me. I find myself at a loss of words sometimes to give comfort, I guess because I can't heal your pain and that is hard for me when I can't take the pain away.
    I just watched the tribute video of Michael...what an amazing life he has had and what a blessing he got in you. Like your pastors wife, I can't wait to meet him in Heaven someday.

    Know you are a treasure and loved by me. HUGS!!

  7. Dearest Joannah,
    I have nothing more to say on this post...I've just been thinking about you. And wanted you to know. I love you. You are in my prayers tonight. ~Janine XO


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