After several months of a complicated paper chase, four years ago today my adoption dossier was logged in with the China Center for Adoption Affairs. When I had decided to adopt from China in the fall of 2005, the wait was only about six months long. But by the time my paperwork was finished it was stretching out, and if I hadn't forfeited the adoption to marry Michael I would still be waiting for my referral today.
So much has happened in those four years. I forfeited the adoption thirteen or fourteen months after I was logged in with China. There was nothing I wanted more than to marry Michael, and so I have absolutely no regrets about walking away from the adoption process. After our November wedding, we began fertility treatments right away. In the first eighteen months of our marriage we did five IUIs and an IVF.
I wish I could be sure that everything I've done to become a mother in the last five years would result in a positive pregnancy test on Thursday (for starters). If life was fair, I suppose that would be the case. But life isn't fair, and I've only known disappointment and heartache when it comes to my lifelong goal of being married and having children.
Nevertheless, I remain hopeful. The past doesn't determine the future. With God all things are possible.