Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Green Light

Just got off the phone with the nurse and she said that the doctor has given me the "green light" to begin IVF #2. My FSH was 6.5 and my Estradiol was 45. I'll start with the maximum dosage (450 IU) of Follistim tonight. If everything goes as planned, my egg retrieval should take place on the 24th.

I had to wait nearly an hour for my appointment today because they were short a doctor, a nurse, and an ultrasound machine. I've never waited any more than fifteen minutes there before. While I waited in the very crowded waiting room, I felt a bit envious of the women there with their husbands. Unless Michael was on the road, he always went to our RE appointments with me. He would hold my things when necessary, and he always held my hand during my ultrasounds. We said he was my "sherpa". I really miss having him with me during my appointments now.

Then today's nurse wasn't familiar with me, and as she was going over the instructions with me she got to the part where the husband is supposed to start taking antibiotics. I cut her off in a quiet voice and told her that he had passed away recently. I wish they would flag my file so that everyone knows and I don't have to keep telling the newer nurses. I think I will mention that to my favorite nurse the next time I see her.

I'm a bit nervous about doing this without Michael, because I remember how physically grueling it was the first time. But I will do it because I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if only I had. I hope and pray that this time will have a happy outcome.


  1. Joannah ~ wishing, hoping, praying that THIS will be THE time! I agree with you that you would never want to have the wondering of "what if" or regret if you did not pursue this. I read your post and actually felt my heart ache for you as I imagined how lonely it was in that waiting room. It is super hard when we left here on earth long for that arm around us, that hand to actually hold, that voice to hear. We long for the physical presence. Michael is so with you, in the hugest part of your heart, and my prayer is for a positive outcome! May the prayers of everyone give you support and strength as you go through the next days/weeks.
    Hugs, Sarah

  2. Sarah, you continually bless me with your loving words and your wisdom. I thank God for sending you my way.

  3. Big Hugs girly..
    You know how I feel..
    And Micheal is there with you in spirit..
    I am praying hard for you my friend..
    Wish I was closer to help you ..

  4. Joannah,
    I found your blog through the Salsa Twins blog which I have followed because of my interest in adoption. I have a precious four year-old granddaughter adopted from China.
    My heart was captured immediately by your sweet spirit, and I wanted you to know you are now in my prayers daily!!!
    Hugs from North Carolina!!!!

  5. Jeannie, thank you for reading and for leaving a comment. :)


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