I still have not received a new assignment like I've been hoping and praying for. Things could change this week, but so far they haven't. I feel completely let down by my school district. Returning to my school and the grade level I have been assigned to on Thursday this week is beginning to cause me to feel stressed.
It's stressful because I have already taught this grade level for twelve years, and I believe I am not up for the rigors of it in my first year of grief. Also, my principal and I have had a falling out, she has made her decision about my placement based on her personal feelings for me, and I'm concerned that she will continue to be punitive towards me as long as I work for her.
I feel like I'm a poster child for Life Isn't Fair right now. When will something go my way?
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Update:
I just got off the phone with human resources. I was told that my transfer request is a top priority. There are a handful of staffing needs in the district and it's likely something will be decided at the end of the week. She mentioned two schools to me, and one of them is my first choice. I am encouraged!
Oh, Joannah - my heart breaks for you. We go back to school on Wednesday and I know how stressful it is teaching just under typical circumstances. Mix in your journey through grief, a less than kind/supportive principal, and a demanding grade level - oh, I just feel for you. It does seem more than one person should have to bear. I remember telling God when I went back to teaching my first year after losing Paul that there was no way I was strong enough to handle it and that He was mistaken to think that I could. I was absolutely convinced that God had given me more than I could handle. But, then that year there were a few super supportive teachers who were in my building and they literally carried me through that year. I see now that God brought them there to help me. My prayer is that you have a few colleagues who will support and uplift you. Since your principal clearly will not, I pray that God has a few key people in your school to care for you! You deserve that! And, of course you know that God is carrying you through as well. It is TIME for some joy in your life and I am praying so hard that soon there will be news of a baby or babies! I am praying for motherhood joy for you. Sending you gentle thoughts to help ease the stress over the next few days. Hugs, Sarah
ReplyDeleteSarah, I am just amazed at how our experiences have been similar in more ways than one. Thankfully I do work with a really supportive staff. They have been so good to me in the last year.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that things are not working out for you at work right now. You have been dealing with so much and it's not over yet, but in the end, I hope you will do as you've done so far and know that this is part of God's plan for you and that you will gain something positive from all of this. Turn it over to the Lord again and have faith that what is right will be done. I will add this specifically to my prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteI went to church today for the first time in a long time. I've been blessed so much lately, I needed to put my need to work aside and worship and thank Heavenly Father for my blessings and as I sat in church today, I prayed that God's will is to give you a baby.
I am sorry. You deserve to be excited about going back to work, I am sorry that is not the case.
ReplyDeleteSorry girly. BIG HUGZ...
ReplyDeleteI think your time is coming soon..
Keep the faith..
Love ya..
I ask that question for you very often. There are so many things I wish for you, but my biggest one has to do with the three little lives inside you right now.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, you will get a new assignment and will find yourself in a position that challenges and excited you. You deserve nothing less.
So bummed you are where you are still. But think of it this way; you have loads of experience with this grade, this age, this curriculum. You do not need to be Teacher of the Year. You have earned the right to coast this year. Stick to what you know, don't stay up late if you don't have to, don't re-invent the wheel. I realize as a teacher that what I'm saying is blasphemous to a good teacher. But really, Joannah, what's more important? YOU are. YOUR BABIES are. Just keep giving it to God. And blogging. I love your blogging. :-)
ReplyDeletehoping for the best for you Joannah on all counts!
ReplyDeletePoster Child For "Life Isn't Fair" I'm so sorry Joannah that life is so difficult right now. My heart breaks for you. In my human nature, I can definitely see your picture on that poster, but then I realize (and I know you will agree with me), the only One who belongs on that poster is "Christ on the Cross." It isn't fair He died for my sins or your sins or anyone else's for that matter. It isn't fair He had to endure all the pain and suffering He endured. It isn't fair he had to endure the rejection by the very ones He loved so much. It isn't fair that many of us haven't recognized that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life! But Joannah, I know you know He is the only way to live life and to live it abundantly. And you have been such a shining example for all of us. You just keep following in His footsteps as you have been doing so graciously and so amazingly. I just know that our Father in Heaven is going to bless you in amazing ways! Far beyond your wildest dreams. No, it isn't fair! But then again, when is life ever fair? God didn't promise us fair! He promised us life everylasting! He promised us peace beyond understanding. He promised us salvation. And that's what you and I are living for. That's what we look forward to each and every day. Dealing with the here and now can be exhausting, painful, depressing, aggravating, and it can feel quite unfair. I think the one who understands far better than any of your friends, including myself, is Jesus! He knows what if feels like to be in the middle of a situation that just isn't fair! Know that you are not alone! He paved the way for you. He shed His blood for you. You are the apple of His eye. He adores you. You are loved far more than you will ever know. You are precious beyond words. And remember this, that principal can do nothing to you that isn't first run by Your Father. He allows it or He doesn't. And everything happens for a reason always to glorify His Kingdom. She obviously doesn't know who she's messing with because you are the daughter of the King! Trust me, in the end, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is the Lord. And the rest of it....well, it just isn't even going to matter....not even to you! I love you sweet lady! Praying for you! Praying that God will show up in a big way and change the situation or change your heart about the situation and make is a blessing far greater than you could imagine!
ReplyDeleteI think Penny raises a good point- perhaps it will be a good year to "coast" with the familiar. With all of the changes you have been through- maybe the good Lord doesn't want to put anything more on your plate right now. He knows better than we do, so sometimes unanswered prayers are answered prayers. I most certainly hope that is the case here, because you, sweet Joannah, deserve a break. Really you do. He knows that, I know that, we all know that. May whatever he is currently paving for you, be the road to endless abundance and blessings. May we look back, one day very soon and say, our Lord is so wise. xoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteLeigh, I didn't say I felt like THE poster child for Life Isn't Fair. I said I felt like *a* poster child for it. I am just about at my breaking point, and I am looking at a week in which I may not get another assignment, I may get a negative pregnancy test, and next Tuesday will be the six month mark of Michael's passing. It's a lot to deal with all at once.
ReplyDeleteI know none of it matters in the big picture, but it matters to me right now.
:)
Oh girl! Of course it matters! We are placed in this life to do the best we can, and we are only human. We see inequities all around us. God knows it matters, and He mourns with us. Life is sooo hard sometimes! I am praying and praying that next week will be one of the BEST of your life!!
ReplyDelete