Monday, September 6, 2010

Overjoyed, Overwhelmed, and Tired

Yesterday was just incredible. It was the second happiest day of my life - the happiest day being the day I married Michael. That got me thinking about the worst day of my life, which wasn't the day Michael died, but the day he was diagnosed with cancer. But that's a whole other post.

When the nurse was taking my blood yesterday, she asked me what I thought. Since I hadn't taken a HPT, I told her I didn't know what to think. I told her that I didn't feel anything and she said no one really feels anything this early on.

As I was leaving the office, so was another patient. She asked me if I was pregnant. I was kind of taken aback. If you've ever been in a doctors office like that, you know that NO ONE talks to one another. Spouses talk to each other, but other patients do not sit there and share with one another. It's some unspoken code of conduct. So I was really surprised that she would say something to me. I told her I didn't know if I was pregnant and that I'd just had my first beta test. She said she never talks to anyone, but that she thought I looked pregnant. She also said she was doing her fourth IVF. I told her a little of my story, and she offered to pray for me. She asked me for my name and reminded me that God always has a plan. I remarked that maybe she'd been sent to me this morning as a little light, because at this point in the day I was feeling so low. I was just certain that when the call came in it would be another chemical pregnancy.

On the drive home, I turned on the local Christian music station. On Sunday mornings their playlist is all worship music. I heard a good one by the David Crowder Band called Here is Our God. I had seen them perform this song at the Harvest Crusade a few weeks earlier. It's a great song, and although I could barely sing along (too choked up with emotion) I raised a hand and tried to worship Him. My pastor continually reminds us that we are to offer praise to the Lord even when we don't feel like it. Do you know how hard that is when you feel like your life just sucks? Excuse my language, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Intellectually I know that God is worthy of my praise regardless of how I feel or what my circumstances are, but sometimes I just don't feel like it! Anyway, I think doing that was a little spiritual breakthrough for me. It was a sacrifice because it wasn't easy for me, and God honors our sacrifices when they come from the right place in our hearts. (Psalm 50:23)

By noon, my parents and my mother-in-law were all here to wait for the call with me. When the call came in, I could hear a difference in the nurse's voice from the seven other times I've taken a call like this. She sounded happy, and in a matter of seconds I knew why. It was just amazing to me. Completely unexpected. I had been praying that my beta number would be high, so that I would be able to have more confidence in the pregnancy being viable. God is faithful.

Then we started calling all the friends and family members who have been faithfully praying for this outcome - aunts, uncles, cousins, friends near and far.

Last night, my parents and I went out to my in-laws to have dinner together and to celebrate this great news. Everyone is just overjoyed. It's about time we had something to celebrate after everything we've gone through this year. They opened a bottle of champagne, and I couldn't have any. :)

This morning I saw Dr. Pak for acupuncture. I will continue to see her twice a week through the first trimester. She, too, is so happy for me. Dr. Pak has been a constant in my life twice a week since May. I see way more of her than I do my RE. I don't know what all those little needles do, but I do think they have beneficial qualities. I'm glad I've invested the time and money in it.

I am completely overwhelmed by all the comments I've receive here on the blog and on Facebook. What a blessing to be connected to so many people through the Internet. In the last five years I have made friends as my life went through various phases - adoption, infertility, cancer, loss and widowhood. Your friendship has been a real blessing through all of these challenges. I have been so touched by so many. Thank you!

Lastly, I'm tired. Very low energy. I think I can count this as my first pregnancy symptom! According to an online IVF due date calculator, I am 4 weeks, 2 days pregnant. What?! That's crazy, but I like it. Also according to that site, if I'm having one baby, my due date is May 14, 2011. If I'm having twins, my due date is April 22, 2011. Sounds good to me. :)

16 comments:

  1. So happy for you. What joyous news. Remember to get your rest and take care of yourself and your little one/s. Praying here in TX for you and the joy you are experiencing.

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  2. Feeling so very overjoyed for you. Yes, the tiredness is a big first symptoms. Except "the girls" to be a bit tender soon too. All good signs. What a great way to start your week. Sure does put a new perspective on things. And I couldn't be happier that you and your family is able to celebrate this good news.

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  3. What an uplifting story. Now you begin a new journey, yet it's really the one you've been on all along since I first met you: The Journey to Motherhood. Who could have imagined what has happened in your life in the past three years.

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  4. Fuzz, then it's sometime in March. ;)

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  5. Reading this I have such a happy heart!

    When I think back to our visits to the fertility clinic no one talked there either, I guess we all know why we are there but why don't we talk?? Hmmmmm?

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  6. Yay for heavy fatigue and no champagne, LOL!
    God sent you an angel at the clinic.
    Twins. April 22nd. My second son's birthday. My vote. :)
    Although I was thinking...if it's just one in there, I bet is it that stubborn little runt of a blast-o that was just so determined to be with his/her mommy! LOL!

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  7. Hoping for a continued positive outcome for beta #2, and, yes, you are 4w2d PREGNANT!

    http://itiswhatitisorisit.net/

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  8. So far beyond thrilled for you, I don't even know what the word is!

    I'm speculating a bit here, but maybe there's a real reason things on the work front did not move in the direction you'd hoped - and I'd like to think the reason is this...

    Now is the time you were meant to become a mother, and perhaps God knew the best place for you to be was in a position where you could, when necessary, go on "auto pilot". Rather than trying to tackle a new curriculum at a new grade level, you can rely on some of those tried-and-true lessons you spent over a decade perfecting and catch youself some afternoon naps. You're gonna need them! I know so many of the staff at that place are so giving and supportive. I'm confident they will take good care of you. When I discovered I was pregnant with Connor, I would have given anything to have gone through it back there with my old school "family". Even though I had some very kind colleagues at the school here, it wasn't the same. I was the new gal, and somewhat an outsider. It was a lonely time. I hope - no I KNOW the staff there are going to wrap you in love and support like nobody's business! Believe me, it makes all the difference. So, even though a week ago you were desperately hoping for changes at work, I pray that in the coming weeks and months you find yourself celebrating the gift of the "same old same old", and that I'm correct in my speculation.

    Wish I was there to hug you tomorrow :-)

    Tell those Social Committee folks I want an invite to the baby shower. I will absolutely drive across the desert for this one!!!

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  9. Oh, and by the way, my birthday is May 8. I would love to share my birthday with your little miracle(s)!!!

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  10. I wondered how you got the news, where you were, who was with you, etc. It's one of life's most beautiful moments and I'm happy you shared it with us!

    Love that pregnancy widget! I guess this is why they call the baby a little "peanut" at this stage. :)

    Donna
    Our Blog: Double Happiness!

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  11. I'm hopping for May 6th my birthday right in the middle

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  12. I say April 28 with Twins.. my LID to China.. great day...
    LOVE YOU ..
    Hugz.. SOOOO EXCITED..
    I knew it..
    I felt it ..

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  13. Joannah, what a beautiful story about your talk to the other patient at the doctors office. There is no coincidence ...
    We are sooooooooooo happy for you, your family and friends!
    A big hug for you and your baby, all the way from The Netherlands! XXX
    Ethel,
    http://www.mooncakefoundation.com

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  14. I'm so happy for you Joannah, you deserve all the joy of this pregnancy, baby, motherhood and more!

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Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer. ~ Psalm 19:14