Overjoyed, Overwhelmed, and Tired

Yesterday was just incredible. It was the second happiest day of my life - the happiest day being the day I married Michael. That got me thinking about the worst day of my life, which wasn't the day Michael died, but the day he was diagnosed with cancer. But that's a whole other post.

When the nurse was taking my blood yesterday, she asked me what I thought. Since I hadn't taken a HPT, I told her I didn't know what to think. I told her that I didn't feel anything and she said no one really feels anything this early on.

As I was leaving the office, so was another patient. She asked me if I was pregnant. I was kind of taken aback. If you've ever been in a doctors office like that, you know that NO ONE talks to one another. Spouses talk to each other, but other patients do not sit there and share with one another. It's some unspoken code of conduct. So I was really surprised that she would say something to me. I told her I didn't know if I was pregnant and that I'd just had my first beta test. She said she never talks to anyone, but that she thought I looked pregnant. She also said she was doing her fourth IVF. I told her a little of my story, and she offered to pray for me. She asked me for my name and reminded me that God always has a plan. I remarked that maybe she'd been sent to me this morning as a little light, because at this point in the day I was feeling so low. I was just certain that when the call came in it would be another chemical pregnancy.

On the drive home, I turned on the local Christian music station. On Sunday mornings their playlist is all worship music. I heard a good one by the David Crowder Band called Here is Our God. I had seen them perform this song at the Harvest Crusade a few weeks earlier. It's a great song, and although I could barely sing along (too choked up with emotion) I raised a hand and tried to worship Him. My pastor continually reminds us that we are to offer praise to the Lord even when we don't feel like it. Do you know how hard that is when you feel like your life just sucks? Excuse my language, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Intellectually I know that God is worthy of my praise regardless of how I feel or what my circumstances are, but sometimes I just don't feel like it! Anyway, I think doing that was a little spiritual breakthrough for me. It was a sacrifice because it wasn't easy for me, and God honors our sacrifices when they come from the right place in our hearts. (Psalm 50:23)

By noon, my parents and my mother-in-law were all here to wait for the call with me. When the call came in, I could hear a difference in the nurse's voice from the seven other times I've taken a call like this. She sounded happy, and in a matter of seconds I knew why. It was just amazing to me. Completely unexpected. I had been praying that my beta number would be high, so that I would be able to have more confidence in the pregnancy being viable. God is faithful.

Then we started calling all the friends and family members who have been faithfully praying for this outcome - aunts, uncles, cousins, friends near and far.

Last night, my parents and I went out to my in-laws to have dinner together and to celebrate this great news. Everyone is just overjoyed. It's about time we had something to celebrate after everything we've gone through this year. They opened a bottle of champagne, and I couldn't have any. :)

This morning I saw Dr. Pak for acupuncture. I will continue to see her twice a week through the first trimester. She, too, is so happy for me. Dr. Pak has been a constant in my life twice a week since May. I see way more of her than I do my RE. I don't know what all those little needles do, but I do think they have beneficial qualities. I'm glad I've invested the time and money in it.

I am completely overwhelmed by all the comments I've receive here on the blog and on Facebook. What a blessing to be connected to so many people through the Internet. In the last five years I have made friends as my life went through various phases - adoption, infertility, cancer, loss and widowhood. Your friendship has been a real blessing through all of these challenges. I have been so touched by so many. Thank you!

Lastly, I'm tired. Very low energy. I think I can count this as my first pregnancy symptom! According to an online IVF due date calculator, I am 4 weeks, 2 days pregnant. What?! That's crazy, but I like it. Also according to that site, if I'm having one baby, my due date is May 14, 2011. If I'm having twins, my due date is April 22, 2011. Sounds good to me. :)